Here’s a topic that rarely makes it to Medium posts or LinkedIn threads: dating among co-workers. But let’s be honest, if you work at a startup, especially a small one, it’s everywhere.
I’m a software developer at a series A company with around 40 people. We’re a pretty young team; the ordinary people here are in their late 20s, lots of transplants to the Bay area. People who moved here for opportunity, leaving friends, family, and relationships behind. We work long hours. We socialize mostly with each other. And, of course, we work long hours, our office is our social life, and well, sometimes sparks happen.
It’s not surprising youre in close quarters, solving problems together, going through stressful product launches and celebrating wins at happy hours. There’s shared ambition and shared language—things that are hard to find outside of work. One thing leads to another: a drink after work, a weekend hike, a date.
In our office, at least three couples currently work together, and a couple more come and go. Everyone knows, even if it’s unofficial. It’s kind of sweet seeing people find a connection even during high-pressure environments. But it also creates weird dynamics. There is always the question of professionalism. Will it affect team collaboration? Is there going to be any time of favouritism?? What will happen if things go south between the two of them? In a big company, people can switch teams and avoid each other. In a startup, that option isn’t available unless it’s a well-equipped and sought-after startup.
Some founders try to set policies of no dating in the same reporting line and no manager-direct report relationships. Sensible rules, but they don’t cover the nuances. People talk. Gossip happens. A breakup can shift team morale. The startup world is already emotionally charged through dating drama, and things get messy fast.
Personally? I’m cautious. I’ve seen friends navigate it well, and others regret it. I get the temptation you’re spending 12 hours a day with smart, driven, like-minded people. But for me, work-life separation is already thin enough. Blurring that line further feels risky. Still, I don’t judge. Startups are intense, often lonely places. Finding real connections, whether through work or outside, is hard. If it happens naturally, who am I to say it’s wrong?
Just know this: in the high-stakes world of Start-upland, office romances are more common than you’d think. They’re just another layer in the already complex web of relationships that keep this place running and, sometimes, unravelling.
