My Friend, His Wedding, and Caste-Based Matrimony
(anonymous blog post, June 2025)
One of my very close friends here in the Valley, let’s call him Ravi, is getting married this fall. And the way he met his fiancee is very bizarre, according to me, through a caste-based matrimonial website.
I’ve been working with him for years, and we both are engineers at the same startup. We grab lunch together, debate architecture decisions, and rant about sprints. Outside of work, he’s as modern as they come: he loves hiking in Yosemite, he’s obsessed with sci-fi, and he has a peloton at home. But when it came time to find a life partner, the process surprised me.
A few months ago, over beers, Ravi admitted he had signed up on a Mudaliyar matrimony site which caters to his caste community from Tamil Nadu, India. My mom insisted, so I joined in. He told me about how she was after him to join that site for a while, and he finally had to cave in.
At first, I didn’t really think much of it. But then the profiles started coming in bio-data PDFs, horoscopes, family background summaries, and- height-weight details. His weekend was booked with Zoom calls to potential matches. He flew back to Chennai for in-person meetings. The process was fast, structured, and almost transactional—driven by both families, not just the couple.
And finally, a week ago, Ravi told me it was final. He’s engaged to a woman he met through the site. She’s excellent, he said, smiling. We get along well, our families click, and it all lines up. Obviously, I congratulated him, but a part of me was still processing all of it.
It’s 2025. We’re building AI systems, sending rockets to Mars. And yet, back home, caste boundaries are alive, especially when it comes to marriage. Caste-based platforms thrive because many Indian families still insist on marrying “within the community.” Compatibility, shared culture, and social expectations are all wrapped in centuries-old structures.
I know that Ravi is pragmatic about it. He talks about how it makes things easier for him and that there is no family drama, no endless swiping, just getting on with life and finding meaning. And yeah, he might be right; for many Indians abroad, navigating dating apps in foreign countries is exhausting. Caste-based matrimony offers a familiar, effective alternative.
I’m truly happy for Ravi, and I look forward to attending his wedding. But it’s also a silent reminder that culture is changing slowly, even amongst the most modern among us.
